Let’s Talk About Schools

Where To Go To College
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go go La Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP.


Pasikatan Ng Grads
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Atenean end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario…


How To Identify A La Sallite
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says:
"Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks:
"Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies:
"O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?"
"Sir, kasi naman...," replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."


Suicide By Sandwich
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na namanang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again. I am gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt and choked himself to death.
The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head.
The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast beef anymore, I wouldn't have prepared him roast beef.
La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.


Mahirap Lahat
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.


How Do You Know One When You See One?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?

UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans whileothers were in the bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans. Like always.
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA – they were parading with Jolina posters