1. You're related to everyone.
2. Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy."
3. You have uncles and aunts named Boy, Girlie, or Baby.
4. You have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables, such as Jun-Jun, Ling-Ling, Mon-Mon.
5. You call the parents of your friends and your own parents' friends "Tito" and "Tita."
6. All of your children have four or five names.
7. You greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
8. You always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave a room.
9. Your grandmother greets you by giving you "smelling kisses."
10. You live with your parents until-and at times even after you're married.
11. You can't build or buy a house unless you first consult a feng shui expert.
12. Your house has a distinctive smell.
13. You decorate your living room wall with your family's framed diplomas and certificates.
14. You decorate your dining room wall with a giant wooden spoon and fork and a picture of the Last Supper.
15. You keep your furniture wrapped in plastic.
16. Most of your home decor is made out of wicker.
17. Your house has a "dirty" kitchen and a "clean" kitchen.
18. Your kitchen table has a vinyl tablecloth.
19. You recycle plastic shopping bags as garbage bags.
20. You own a "Footsteps in the Sand" poster.
21. You have a piano that no one plays.
22. You keep a tabo in your bathroom.
23. You own a "barrel man."
24. You use a stone to scrub yourself in the shower.
25. You use Vicks Vapor Rub as an insect repellant.
26. Your meal isn't complete without white rice.
27. You use your fingers to measure the water you need to cook rice.
28. You can't eat a meal without a spoon and fork.
29. You feel insulted if your visitors don't eat what you offer them.
30. When there is a party, you always cook three times more than what your visitors can consume.
31. Your pantry is never without Spam, vienna sausage, corned beef, and sardines.
32. You can't enjoy a meal without patis or bagoong.
33. You eat fried Spam and hotdogs with rice.
34. You eat mangoes with rice-with great gusto.
35. You enjoy chocolate rice pudding and dried salted fish for breakfast.
36. You have a rosary or "fake bannanas" hanging from your rear view mirror.
37. You tail an ambulance or a cop just to beat the traffic.
38. Your car horn can either, laugh, bark, or moo.
39. Your car plays a song when it backs up.
40. You can squeeze 15 passengers into your Honda Civic without a second thought.
41. You think traffic regulations are recommendations, not rules.
42. You think that traffic signs apply to everybody except yourself.
43. You point with your lips.
44. You eat using your hands and have it down to technique.
45. Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
46. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
47. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
48. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
49. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
50. You play pusoy and mahjong.
51. You put your hand in front of you as if to make a path and say "Excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of them.
52. You buy tons of bath towels when they go on sale.
53. You still wear outdated clothes you have when you first came to the USA.
54. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
55. You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
56. You "open" or "close" the light.
57. You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
58. You say kodakan instead of "take a picture."
59. You turn around when someone says "Psst."
60. You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
61. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice-versa.
62. You say "air-con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
63. You pronounce "F" for "P" or "P" for "F".
64. You own a karaoke system.
65. You have 5 pairs of tsinelas on your doorstep.
66. You refer to your VCR as the "Beytamax."
67. You have a rice dispenser with matching rice cooker.
68. You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."
69. You have a "My Shaldan" air freshener in your car.
70. You were raised to believe that every Filipino has an aunt, uncle, and cousins.
71. Your mom or sister is a nurse.
72. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent of french fries.
73. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
74. "Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
75. Your baon is usually something over rice.
76. You eat rice for breakfast.
77. You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
78. You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
79. You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
80. You have to have a bottle of Jufran handy.
81. You know that chocolate meat isn't really made out of chocolate.
82. You spend Holy Week either performing acts of penitence or vacationing.
83. You get together with family at a cemetery on All Saints' Day to eat, drink, and tell stories by your loved ones' graves.
84. You think the Christmas season begins in September and ends in January.
By Dolly Ann Carvajal (Inquirer)
