College Life In The Philippines

MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa Holy Spirit, mahirap umuwi pag may rally
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.

***

WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go go La Salle .
If you have no money, go to PUP.

***

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the
Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.

Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men. La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man. Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin. San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays. UP reported that they killed the three wise men.

***

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.

Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.

***

PASIKATAN NG GRADWEYTS
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen.Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Atenean end up getting shot!
LA SALLE : Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE : Aba ! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario.

***

HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."

The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"

The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle ?"

"Sir, kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."

***

A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet o! n the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!

***

BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip. The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies: "I saw the t racks, I followed the tracks, and bang!
I got the deer!"

The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.

Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask.

"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."

***

A MURDER MYSTERY
(To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?

Suspects:
The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The Innocent Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate

Culprit:
The UP Graduate

Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

***

HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration.

Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?

UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
Holy Spirit - Ateneans and La Sallites want them in bed
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans...like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters

***

SUICIDE SANDWICH

There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.

UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na namanang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle : Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again. I am gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast beef anymore, I wouldn't have prepared him roast beef.La Salle : Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.

Letter To All

Dear all,

I can't help myself.

After reading Kenneth's piece, Paolo's letter and the APSM's letter re the egg-throwing incident, copies of which were sent to my email, I found it hard to resist throwing in my one centavo's worth of ideas. Granting, Paolo and the pol sci majors could already be my grandchildren, and it's not for grownups to meddle in kids' fights, but heck, I was a UP student, too, and part of the crop that struggled not only for academic freedom, but for our country's freedom from military rule.

First, please bear with this Lola Basyang tale. The first organization I joined during my freshman year was...well, UPSCA (UP Students' Catholic Action), that pious organization. Those times, young people my age were already in the countrysides, or in underground organizations in the cities, struggling every second from being arrested or killed by the dictatorship' s armed forces. At that time when student progressives were fighting for the restoration of student councils, we in UPSCA were fighting against...dyaraan. ..hazing (such an important issue, 'no?) because, we were told, "the body is the temple of the human spirit" which should not be violated.

Campus politics-wise, we were against the slogan-chanting bunch. There were 'elders' in the organization (now I realize, they all were getting their bread from the Marcos government then) who advised us that "a dead hero is a useless hero", in reference to the militant side of the organized studentry - those unreasonable" ND's who seemed always to be in a fighting, shouting, marching mood. We were UPSCA, the ones who were more "balanced", "pragmatic", "for peace."

In one of the student fora organized by the "ND's", I even questioned the need for student participation in the restoration of the student council (my god, I bury my head in the sand whenever I remember that moment). Can anyone blame me? I just turned 16 then, impressionable, and like may other young students at UP, amusingly naive.

Just one year at UP turned me into someone else, however. Maybe it was the bigger social ferment that did it. Maybe it was Malu Mangahas waxing eloquent about academic freedom, or Sonia Sotto leading the fight for a Magna Carta against police and military presence in the campus (that's right- we couldn't bear the thought of a single policeman's or soldier's booted foot stepping on campus grounds). Maybe it was my professors - "Mad Marx" Ed Villegas, and Roland Simbulan who made me read Karl M. as part of our Devt Studies curriculum (though I admit the only insight I got then from my reading was - if Marx had written against the slavery of women and children, then maybe he was a good person!?)

Or perhaps it was the 'Barrio Work' program of UPSCA which made military and police abuse, semi-feudalism and the desperation it brought to poor peasants something as concrete as the buildings and classrooms of UP were to me.

We were a bunch of curious kids then who spent two weeks in a barrio in Bulacan, on pretense that we were from Maryknoll and Ateneo. But then the local police learned we were actually UP students, so one night he sent some men in a tamaraw (not the animal, but the vehicle which preceded the FX) to the barrio, presumably trying to find out where the "UP kids" were staying. And since the local police have just "salvaged" two youthful organizers in a nearby barrio a few weeks earlier, our hosts decided that very night to "rescue" us.

A kindly, middle-aged man, I now forget his name, a military man himself but had resigned out of conscience, drove the jeepney that took us out of the barrio, but first advising us that should we be ever caught in a military checkpoint "tumakbo na kayo sa unang pagkakataong makuha ninyo." Gee wheez, and to think the oldest in our group then was a guitar-loving pretty boy of about 20 years, maybe weighing 80 lbs, and couldn't hurt a single fly.

So why do I tell this story? It might seem mababaw, and I might sound just like your lolo or lola glorifying his/her days.

No, my message is really quite simple. In my UP days, and the years before mine, students didn't just throw eggs. They threw molotovs and pillboxes. They didn't spend days troubling themselves with the 'safety' of their fellow students, knowing that harm does not come from the slogan-chanting rabble-rousers but from the ARMED elements of the government clinging, butts and all, to power.

UP students of those days troubled themselves with making their classmates realize the true meaning of wisdom, of being "a iskolar ng bayan", of grasping the summed-up experiences of other peoples embodied in social theories, testing these in our country's social waters, and thus in the process, sifting the chaff from the grain. That was the way we learned. Not just inside the classroom, and certainly not by listening to someone who's spearheading a campaign to kill political dissent. (You kill dissent, and you kill political discourse itself. Shouldn't that be more troubling for a pol sci major?).

UP students then, as many other young people now, threw themselves into the struggle, AND MADE HISTORY as a result of it. Think Edjop, Lorena Barros, and other stellar names.

One of the greatest things I learned at UP was that the middle stance as the correct stance, is well...a funny assertion. A blind man's perspective. A joker's. "Middle" denotes balance and equality. Can the Right ever be equal with the Left? Only in mathematical equations. Never in social reality. The Right has arms and might, while the Left derives its might only from being on the democratic side. "Middle" is only for referees in a boxing fight.

Ensure the safety of the top military official of the land by searching students' bags? Hello? is this UP? Golly, I salute those who still attended the forum despite the searches. Why would I want the organizers to peep into my lunchbox or know how many coins I've got left in my bag ?

A student organization trying to ensure the safety of the top military official? Has everyone in this university gone mad? I bet the General went there with enough bullets to finish off everyone who was at the UP campus on that day. When you've got a lot of enemies, you don't walk around with just a sandwich in your bag.

My dear pol sci majors, you've got a terribly disturbing view of the world. Maybe you're reading the wrong political science books. Or are listening to the wrong professors. Try reading Mao Tse Tung once in a while. He's the demon incarnate to many people. But there's at least a line or two in his writings that will make you cry. Read him to find out why.

R. Jitana

Mayon Eruption Hard To Predict, Phivolcs Says

By Ephraim Aguilar (Inquirer)

LEGAZPI CITY—Volcanologists are hard put predicting the exact date of Mayon volcano’s major eruption even as 44,000 people linger in temporary shelters.

“The signs of an imminent hazardous eruption are still there but we are having a hard time establishing a pattern due to the volcano’s irregular behavior,” said Raymond Maximo, one of the science research specialists from the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology (Phivolcs)-Manila now keeping close watch on Mayon’s unrest.

Maximo cited the sudden calming-down after a series of ash explosions and the rise and fall of the sulfur dioxide [SO2] emission rate.

There was a lull in volcanic activity last Tuesday with no ash explosions recorded and the sulfur dioxide emission rate at only 2,918 tons daily, the lowest since the alert level four was hoisted last Aug. 7.

On Wednesday, however, Mayon had five ash explosions. A “very high” SO2 emission rate of 8,086 tons daily were recorded in the past 24 hours, Phivolcs said yesterday.

It also warned of pyroclastic flows that may be generated by the sudden collapse of hot lava deposits in the middle slopes.

Maximo said the accumulation of lava deposits was caused by the big volume of lava that had flowed down, now measured at 6.7 km from the crater or barely 1.3 km from the extended 8-km danger zone and closest to the village of Buyuan in this city.

He added that the volcano had already generated 32 million cubic meters of hot lava during this period of unrest, which has devastated coconut plantations and vegetation within the 6-km permanent danger zone.

In a report of the Office of Civil Defense-Bicol yesterday noon, there were 44,491 persons or 9,597 families housed in 29 evacuation centers.

The Department of Social Welfare and Development said the total financial assistance extended to the villagers was P5.5 million, almost half of which came from nongovernment organizations and other government agencies other than the DSWD and the local government units.

Five municipalities and three cities stand in the path of an eruption but Sto. Domingo and Daraga towns and this city, which have a total of 16 villages, are at highest risk.

Cedric Daep, executive officer of the Provincial Disaster Coordinating Council, said the long-term plan of the PDCC to permanently relocate villagers, especially those near river channels, is still an ongoing effort of the provincial government.

Para kay Kasamang Ambo (Statement from UPLB LFS Alumnae, Alumni and Friends)

[Sa lipunan ng mga matuwid at makatarungan, tiyak na walang puwang o dahilan para danasin ng sino mang naggigiit ng katwiran at katarungan ang brutal na pamamaslang. Kaya't kung dinanas ito ni kasamang Ambo at ng marami pang iba na naghahanap ng katotohanan at katarungan sa bayang batbat ng pagsasamantala, korupsyon, kasinungalingan at mga kahirapan, tiyak din na ang lipunang kanilang ginalawan ay pinaghaharian ng mga taong walang alam sa matuwid na katwiran kundi man absolutong hindi kumikilala ng katwiran at katarungan…]

Sa simula’y nakikilala natin ang isang tao sa kanyang palayaw, butas sa tenga at angas at kwela. At kung babalikan natin ang nasabing simula, iisipin nating nakilala nga ba natin siya?

Kagaya ng iba, nabansagan siya bilang iskolar ng bayan nang pumasok siya sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas, Los Baños taong 2002. Sa taon ding iyo siya naimbitahan upang maging kasapi ng League of Filipino Students. Simula noon, nasabak siya sa mga gawain hindi lamang sa nasabing organisasyon sa loob ng paaralan, maging sa mga gawain sa ibat iba pang sektor ng lipunan.

Naging kaibigan natin siya...

Isang kaibigang taglay ang natural na kakulitan, baon ang kahusayan sa pagpapatawa. Ika nga, isa siyang complete entertainment showcase, kung humirit at kung bumanat. Marahil, marami ang nakakilala sa kanya na hanggang patawa lang. Subalit ang ganitong mga katangian niya ang nagbigay-daan din upang madali siyang matanggap at mahalin ng masa.

Naging kasama natin siya…

Hindi man kagyat na inakalang magiging isang mulat na yayakap sa aktibismo, nakitaan kaagad siya ng potesyal at kasigasigan sa paggampan ng mga gawain sa pagpupukaw, pag-oorganisa at pagmomobolisa ng mga kabataan-estudyante sa UPLB. Naging katuwang natin siya sa mga gabing puyatan sa workshops, educational discussions at pagpupulong. Naging kasama natin siya sa mga kampanyang tumutol sa mapagsamantalang sistema ng edukasyon. At kinalaunan, tinanggap na rin niya ang hamon na paglingkuran ang iba pang malalawak na sektor ng lipunan. Ang pakikibaka niya’y umabot na sa mga lansangan at pabrika, kasama ng mga manggagawa at magsasaka at ng iba pang pinagsasamantalang uri ng mapang-aping sistema.

Sa simula’y kinagiliwan natin siya dahil sa kanyang mga patawa at dimples sa pisngi. Ngayon, kinikilala natin siya sapagkat ipinakita niya, sa likod ng kanyang mga ngiti at kwela, ang kanyang makabuluhang paggampan at seryosong pagharap sa mga tungkulin at hamon bilang isang tunay na lider-estudyante at aktibista. Hindi matatawaran ang naging kontribusyon niya sa kasaysayan ng aktibismo, at malaking bahagi nito ay ang paglubog niya sa hanay ng mga kabataan-estudyante at sa iba pang uri ng lipunan.

Kung kaya, sa lahat ng ito, iginagawad natin sa kanya, kay kasamang Rei Mon Guran, si Ambo na ating kaibigan, ang isang taas-kamaong pagkilala sa kanyang maningning na kontribusyon sa kasaysayan ng pakikibaka ng masang anak-pawis, kabilang na ang iba pa nating mga kasamang pinaslang at dinadahas ng mapanupil at kriminal na papet na rehimeng Arroyo.

Si kasamang Ambo ay hindi lamang magiging numero sa humahabang listahan ng mga sistematikong pagpatay sa ating mga kasama; sapagkat katulad ng iba pang martir ng kilusang pambansa-demokratiko, siya ay magsisilbing lakas natin sa pagpapaigting ng ating pakikibaka laban sa mga uring-mapagsamantala, tungo sa minimithing pambansang demokrasya!

Ang laban ni kasamang Ambo ay laban natin, at ang ating mga lehitimong laban ay hindi kailanman mayayanig at masusupil ng bala at gatilyo.

Kailan man ay hindi umatras ang mamamayang lumalaban gaano man kaigting ang pasismo ng estado. Sapagkat alam ng ng mga mamamayan na sa likod ng pasismo ay ang nabubulok at pabagsak nang rehimen.

Labanan at tapatan ang giyera ni GMA! Patalsikin ang kriminal na rehimeng Arroyo!


--UPLB LFS Alumnae, Alumni and Friends